Clear Blue
by ReiraChanXD
Summary: A set of distressing circumstances leaves Sakura, screaming at the clear blue stick in her hands, then consequently throwing it through her bathroom wall, seeking vengeance  and castration  on the man that did this to her. Non-massacre/fluff
1. Clear Blue

"Shit"

Blue. Clear blue. As clear a blue as a clear blue fucking day gets.

_Shit…_

Holding the 'clear blue' clear as day stick in her hands, tears welling at the corners of her emerald eyes, the convulsions of anger rippled through her, visibly shaking her slender frame, reverberating along the tears that reluctantly slid down her burning cheeks.

_Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit all to hell!_ Blazing fury over took her for a split second, sending the 'clear blue' stick clearly flying, fast as light, shooting through, blasting a hole through the wall to her bathroom, shattering of the mirror, rebounding of the opposite wall, leaving cracks and chucks of tile dropping off from the force of the impact, falling to accompany the stray piece's of mirror now glittered across the floor.

_Well fuck, isn't that just nice, another seven years of bad luck, added to the brilliant luck I already have, not forgetting the new hole in my bathroom wall-ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHH_HHHHHHHHH, pink hair violently swishing as she threw her head back, unable to take it anymore, unleashing the shrill, blood curdling, piercing cry that was her only consistent thought process, screaming bloody murder, setting her larynx on fire, almost annihilating any windows, glass, or ear drums, in the painful path of the billion octaves too high sound wave which she let off.

"FUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK"

Gasping and panting, she collapsed in a crumpled heap on the soft carpet of her living room. After sufficiently relieving at least a fifth of her uncontrollable and inexpressible anger and frustration, she felt severely exhausted, with her throat feeling adequately abused and the tears slowly subsiding, she raked one shaky hand through her long pink locks, forcing her mind back onto the logical trail.

Taking a deep breath, she let her legs out from underneath her and leaned back all the way to lay her back on the floor, her legs out in front of her, her eyes closed as she tried to remember.

What she could remember and did know was that she had woke a couple of weeks or so ago in the highly expensive, very sophisticated, penthouse suite of a hotel she would never be able to afford, after a party at Genma's. She figured she must've gotten long past pissed at the party, thanks to the bitch of a hangover she'd had after. _Hah, so pissed I didn't even know who I'd spent the night with, how ironic,_ she sighed distressed to herself.

Ok, so she knew that much, what she didn't know, and what she would know even if it fucking killed her, was who in the bloody hell she had spent the night with, because she'd definitely spent the night with someone, otherwise the space next to her on king size bed she'd woken up on wouldn't have been rumpled and warm, neither would the very high bill have been paid, and definitely neither would she have been in the situation she was in now – unless she was able to reproduce asexually (and force once she wished she could, maybe then she wouldn't be in the position she was in).

She would find who the fuck, screwed her over and then so coward-likely left, leaving her to suffer the consequences. She would castrate the bastard with her bare hands if she had to, either way, someone was going to take the brunt of her anger and pay for the sorry fuck up he'd made of her life (though she refused in anyway, to even think of any of this being in any way her fault, regardless if she had been the one drinking and probably had bought the whole thing on herself…).

Resolution burning bright in her jaded eyes, Sakura reached for her phone.

She would start with Naruto. Deciding he was the easiest target and most likely to confess as she dialled his number.

"Hey Naruto…"

* * *

If there was anything Sakura was grateful for in the major fuck up she'd just made of her life, was that she didn't have a mission that morning. She leisurely strolled through the streets, soaking up the sun, practically breathing in the vitamin D, as she mentally battled with herself, trying her best to ignore her inner turmoil, willing with all the mental will power she could muster in those weak moments for someone to just come and pour bleach in through her ears so it could fry her brain, simply so she didn't have to think anymore.

Pushing the glass door open, the twinkle of a bell greeted her arrival, as she walked over to the booth Naruto sat at, surprised for once to see him early, actually feeling suspicious of the action.

"Sakura-chan"

"Naruto" she smiled taking the seat opposite him.

After ordering, the real conversation began, and Sakura very carefully began to lay her cards down on the table (not literally of course).

"So…Naruto"

"Hmm" he looked up meeting her gaze, snapping out of some kind of un-Naruto-like revere.

"You remember that party a few weeks back?"

At the very mention of it, blood flooded the innocent blonde's cheeks, leading Sakura to raise an eyebrow questioningly at him.

"Y…yeah…" he muttered unsure, after a while.

_That's it_, Sakura thought, _best be direct and get it out of the way._

"Where did you wake up the morning after?" the pink haired kunochi blurted out in such a tumult, that it took a while for her best friend to understand her, but when he did, he went a further five shades red (if it was possible).

_Shit, this can't be good_

"Naruto…" Sakura spoke first, breaking the silence, an intonation of anger rising in her voice.

"Ah..erm…with… um.. next…t…to..h…" Naruto stuttered unable to get the full sentence out, his cheeks such a dark shade of crimson they could match up to the café's table cloths.

"Just spit it out!" Sakura burst, suddenly unsure of how badly her future would pan out.

"Hinata!" Came his loud reply, a little too loud for the quite down-town café, but Naruto didn't notice for he was too busy, well- blushing."

"Hah?" Sakura deadpanned, relived and regretful at the same time.

"At Hinata-chan's house. But you can't tell anyone Sakura-chan! The Hyuga's will castrate me if they find out!"

"Im gonna castrate you in a second if you don't explain!"

"What is there to explain! We got so drunk at the party we ended up at her house, and you know… and the worst thing is I can't remember anything, I just woke up there, so baffled…"

"Ugh, I know how you feel"

"Do you know how hard it is sneaking out of the Hyuga compound at bloody flipping 6am? They even have guard dogs you know, I almost had my ass bitten off, escaping from that death trap and with a bitch of a hangover as well."

Sakura smiled, she and the blonde were so alike, she was so grateful for such a best friend, at least she was sure there was someone she could trust enough to tell.

"Yeah, same..." Sakura replied monotonously, suddenly feeling tired all over again.

"What, you almost had your ass bitten escaping from the complex as well?" Naruto questioned confused "Don't tell me Sakura, you with Neji-"

"Don't go there" she cut him off before he could go any further "though it's possible…" she mumbled.

"What's going on Sakura-chan?"

"Well you see I woke up in a similar position to you…." Sakura continued on telling the depressing story of how she ended up, now searching through all the men in Konoha and who knows even beyond that, for the man who did this to her.

"Fuuuuuck" Naruto exhaled, at the end of her tale, completely empathising with his pink-haired best friend.

"I know right, and I don't even know who did this to me, I can't even remember his face for fucks sake!"

"Well Sakura-chan" Naruto started carefully, "Can't you, you know, get an abor-"

There was a sickening crunching sound as Sakura's fist connected with Naruto's face in a well-deserved punch.

"Maybe not…" he muttered to himself, cursing under his breath as he clicked his jaw back in place, rubbing it sorely.

"Ahhh, Naruto what am I supposed to do!" Sakura mourned, smothering her face in her hands, willing the world to just end right then and there, "Not only am I pregnant, two weeks, according to the bloody 'clear blue' stick, which made its way through my bathroom wall by the way, breaking my mirror in the process… that seven years bad luck you know! _Ahhh_ I'm so fucked…." Sakura trailed off, not making sense anymore, her head then making a thudding sound as it connected with the hard of the café table.

Naruto resisted the urge to say, 'you most certainly are' in response to her last statement, but since he didn't want to be resetting his jaw and who knows what other bones, he instead proceeded to place one large hand on her head, ruffling her lengthy pink locks, in a comforting gesture.

"Don't worry Sakura-chan, I'll help you find the bastard who did this to you, heck I'll even help you castrate him"

Her head shifting under his hand, so she could glance up at him, only to see him smiling down at her, Sakura couldn't help smiling in response, _he knows me so well._

Taking a deep breath, in one fluid movement Sakura's head was up again, staring straight into Naruto's eyes, determination smouldering her eyes. Naruto grinned wider, cleverly avoiding telling Sakura about the red mark on her forehead, her bangs covered it any way.

"Let's do this!"

"Yeah! Commence operation_; _Catch dick-head-who-knocked-up-Sakura-chan-and-left-scott-free-and-castrate-him-in-the-most-painful-manner."

Naruto's redundant cries of pain could be heard miles away, as Sakura sighed clicking her knuckles.

It was going to be a hell of a long day.

* * *

A/N: Ok honestly i was on a bit of a high on this one, ugh ive been listening to that stupid butterfly mega remix too many times... Erm i really dont know where the hell this is going, the idea started a couple of days ago after I wrote a friend a crack-fic of Bulma working at a strip club, then this happened. It was ment to be a oneshot buuuuut i just phail like that, so it wont be too long...hopefully.

For those who bother to read this, i think i actually listened to Sorry Sorry about a hundred times writting this, and it is now 5am... bloody hell its 5am! Waiit why does this feel strangely like Deja vu.

Ah welll, reviewwww, and gimmie ure thoughts on it, i like to know _


	2. Clear Disaster

"Sakura-chan... Is there any reason as to why the so called irreplaceable, expensive Persian pot with the mini palm tree in it outside of Tsunade's office was filled with an unnameable, multicoloured, swimming substance?"

"Uhh not a clue" Sakura's nervous laughter filtered down from her end of the phone, stalling his persistence on the question, having already placed the pot and scenario from her recent memory.

"-because I swear Sakura if that happened to be you on your way to report for duty, but ended up puking your guts out before you even entered, I swear I _will_ tell Tsunade" Naruto threatened, all with her best interest in mind if course.

"..."

The silence in response confirmed Naruto's suspicions, and after a while he sighed exasperatedly, the expression sending a rush of static down the phone line and fizzling in Sakura's ear.

"Please, at least tell me you returned home after that, you know what Tsunade's like" Naruto winced visibly at the countless times the revered woman had seen through, even their most carefully crafted plots "she would've read you like a book… and then perhaps had a coronary at the revelation; -imagine that her greatest, most prized student, two weeks pregnant, unmarried, happy sperm donor _still_ unknown"

"Yes Naruto, I went home in the end before even entering" Sakura eventually gave in, twisting the purple phone cord round her finger from her place on her sofa "And honestly…" she hesitated momentarily, considering the blow this would take to her pride "No, I didn't consider the prospect that she might actually figure it out…

After a period of silence Sakura spoke up again, continuing her tirade.

"But, I do have to get back to work sometime, I've already got missions stacked up that don't even need briefing"

Before Naruto could even get a word in edge ways, Sakura hurried her words, swiftly changing the topic.

"So… regarding the latter 'comment' you made… any news yet on that?" she asked hesitantly the edge of worry returning to her tone, the threat of hysteria once again close by.

"Hmmm" Naruto seemed to be seriously thinking over her words for a moment before replying.

"Sakura I'll be honest with you and come straight out with it" the placid, unusually straight tone of his voice held an eerie, foreboding feeling with it, and Sakura clutched the cord tighter in her grasp, her features contorting in restrained, worried anticipation.

"And…" she prompted

"Well, the truth is, I think the father might be…" Naruto purposely paused momentarily, adding for dramatic effect.

Due to it being a telephone conversation Sakura was unawares to the mischievous grin plastered across Naruto's face.

"… a certain green spandex wearing-"

"-No" Sakura's hoarse voice whispered.

"-fuzzy eye browed-"

"-No, no"

"-Lee"

Naruto enunciated the last word clearly over the phone, before stopping his words all together expecting Sakura's sure fire reply. After a long pause Naruto began to worry over his best friend's silence.

"Sak-" he began carefully.

A snap could practically be heard as Sakura lost it.

"HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK!" Sakura screamed down the phone, almost severing the cord she so tightly held.

"I swear to all that is sane left in this fucked up world, Naruto, if you are fucking with me I will tell Hinata that it was you and the guys who raided her slumber party and grabbed her ass before scurrying away, and then she can castrate you. Painfully." She growled menacingly, before taking a moment reconsidering her words.

"Scratch that, you had better be fucking with me, otherwise there will be hell to pay, and I mean hell like you've never seen it before" Naruto could practically feel the murderous aura emitting from her from his end of the phone, and he shuddered involuntarily, mentally deciding to keep away from Sakura till all her hormones and shit had simmered down.

"You have five seconds to formulate a decent reply, or I will be there, wherever it is you are Uzumaki Naruto right now, and beat the living shits out of you" Sakura warned now quite beside herself, the prospect Naruto had suggested sending her far beyond the bounds of sanity and rationality and into the realms of livid, irrational, hysterical psychopathy.

The only thought managing to formulate itself in Naruto's mind, before he made a speedy reply is the common phrase; 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.'

It took the next ten minutes for Naruto to dissuade Sakura from castrating or subsequently killing him or anyone in a ten mile radius and convince her that he was indeed just 'kidding', and though he is very aware that it is not a matter to kid about he was merely trying to lighten her seemingly gloomy mood.

. . .

It takes a while, but eventually their conversation makes it back onto sane and logical grounds, as Naruto truthfully began to reveal what his little bouts of reconnaissance have discovered.

"Ok, so here's what I got, there are about eight guys so far that don't have an alibi for that night nor can they actually remember it"

"Wow, Naruto that was actually pretty fast, considering there were at least fifty people at that party."

"Cut me some slack Sakura, it hurts that you're that shocked…."

"….. plus there were security videos"

"WHAT!

"Why didn't you say so from that start!"

"Cuz I only found out this morning, hence my call to you right now"

"Oh"

"Sakura-chan you see towards the end there was a bunch of us spilling out of the apartment, it was caught on Genma's indoor camera. So not only is the image unclear…. It also only goes as far as the front door"

"So… what your saying is it could be anyone out of the lot of us that spilled out"

"Exactly"

"Ahhh! Naruto you sure it wasn't you! Why couldn't it be you!"

"Umm… Sakura-chan, I already told you…"

"I know I know" Sakura waved her hand dismissively.

"Sakura-chan I know your pretty clever and all but have you thought of this logically yet?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well you were so mad, you didn't really think things through, such as any clues that can give an indication to his character…?"

After a moment's pause there was a sudden gasp on the other line.

"Naruto your right! That's…genius"

Three years ago even Naruto would've been shocked to hear someone call him that.

"What you remembered!?"

"No that's not it, but you see when I woke up in this really expensive hotel the bill was already paid, so he had to be rich!"

"Ah, I see. See Sakura-chan looks like the spark is back. Well I guess that eliminates Shika, Choji, Ino, Lee and Raido"

"Idiot! Of course it wouldn't be Ino, do I need to tell you about the birds and the bee's again?"

Naruto's voice sounded shaky "No thanks"

"But your right, though those lot do have a fair amount of money, if say for example Shika was to have paid that bill then we would've know it cuz his mum would've had a cow, same goes for Choji and Lee-"

"-and as for Raido he's been paying for his new baby girl's tuition so he wouldn't have, for more than one reason"

"So who does that leave" a tremor entered Sakura's voice, already knowing these deductions where leading them only one place; the richest clans of Konoha.

"I guess that narrows it down quite a bit, so let's see that leaves, Neji, Sasuke, Kiba and sorry to say…Kakashi… and of course any other rich guy from out of town whose face we don't yet recognise…"

"Ugh" A hand ran through Sakura's hair as she considered the prospects of her future. They didn't look too good.

"Naruto, what should I do, what if it's Sasuke? I mean I'd rather it be Neji, or even Kiba… or even Kakashi!"

"Ok firstly, ewwwww he's like what in his thirties that's like pedophilia. And secondly what's so bad about Sasuke?"

"I love him Naruto. But like a brother, like I love you, if he's the father then I would have to marry him, and then neither of us would be happy, at least with the other three I don't really know them as much, I could come to love them…. Eventually…Though maybe your right about sensei…"

"Oh yeah! Even if its someone from out of town its definitely someone from one of the five major nations, I checked at the hotel and they said the bill was paid through an anonymous account transferring the money directly and though they didn't know who it was, the account was definitely from someone in one of the major countries otherwise the transfer wouldn't have been so fast…"

"But Naruto! That adds FIVE fucking countries to the list!"

"Fear not Sakura-chan!-"

"Oh God stop, you're starting to sound like Lee..."

"I researched the banking systems for the major countries, and it seems only three out of five were using the new and advanced system, and since Kumo and Konoha aren't feeling so great about each other right now, that only leaves Suna..."

"But Naruto that could be anyone out of how many people?"

"Don't worry, I'm sure it wont come to that, right now its only a worse case scenario, because even if you were drunk out of your mind, I'm sure you would have enough sense of self-preservation to not go off with some complete stranger...right?"

"..."

Naruto's nervous laughter wasn't doing anything to make her feel reassured.

"Anyhow, if worst comes to worst you've got connections in Suna, we could always crack our way in and see who was out of the country at the time..."

"Yeah..." Sakura forced herself into an upbeat tone "Yeah, your right..."

"So you know what you gotta do now right Sakura?"

"What…?" Sakura replied with trepidation, knowing full well what he was getting at.

"You've got to seduce each of our potentials and find out which bastard did it"

And for the second time that day there was no sure fire reply from Sakura, instead she seemed to come to some state of acceptance or perhaps contemplation.

"Narutooo" she moaned "can't you seduce them for me…?" though there wasn't much conviction in her voice, she already knew the answer to that one.

"Number one I don't think Hinata who I'm trying to be faithful to, would appreciate me hitting on her dear older **male** cousin. And number two, just _no_, would you like the image of me and Sasuke getting it on ingrained in your memory forever?"

"Hmmm, that wouldn't be so bad" Sakura mumbled, tapping her chin as if in thought.

"Sakura!"

"Ok fine! Just handle Kiba for me he's the easiest, and I'll deal with the other emotionally constipated three. Ok? You can do that much right?"

"Fine, fine, but how do you plan on going about doing that, especially Sasuke of all people, isn't he the toughest?"

"Sasuke" she laughed harshly "don't make me laugh he's the easiest, I've got a plan for him"

As Sakura continued to laugh on manically Naruto vaguely worried about his best friends dwindling sanity.

Placing the purple phone back on the receiver, a plan began to formulate itself in Sakura's overactive mind.

Stroking her chin in thought, a cruel smile spread across Sakura's pretty face.

"Easiest first, let's start with Kakashi"

And with a short call to her old sensei Sakura was bouncing out her apartment door, all the vigour from before back in its full power.

* * *

Leaning across the balcony of the bridge that crossed the main river that ran through the training ground, Kakashi took one appraising look at his former student leaning beside him. Something was different about her. Whether it be the evil glint in her jade eyes or the manic smile threatening to crack her face in half; from the second Kakashi got a call from said person to have a training session like 'good old times' he knew something was up.

Kakashi's face fell at the thought, Sakura's silence from beside him only further helping to enhance his feeling of unease. _Seriously, why do they **always** get me involved in their problems._

Unable to take the unnerving silence any longer Kakashi let out;

"What is it Sakura, spit it, that face your making is creeping me out"

Sakura turned from glaring at the river to face her sensei, briefly considering a retort, before a sudden wave of nausea told her she wouldn't last that much longer.

_Dammit and I haven't even eaten anything!_

Facing him straight and full on with the most serious look in her eyes, Sakura blurted out;

"Sensei, after Genma's party a couple of weeks ago, did you have sex with me?"

Sakura never got an answer straight away as Kakashi was too busy, tripping backwards and falling over the balcony into the river from the shock.

Whilst a drenched Kakashi swam to the river bank and hoisted himself up, Sakura shouted over the railings at him.

"Is that a yes or a no?"

Sitting on the edge shaking his head a shower of water poured out, then after spitting out a fair amount of water Kakashi replied in a rather shaken voice.

"That would be a **_no_**."

"_Thank heavens_" Sakura muttered to herself before calling to Kakashi "Thanks sensei" and running off in the opposite direction, leaving a wet, confused and very disturbed Kakashi behind.

_Next up Neji, this is gonna be a tough one…_

* * *

_Knock Knock_

"Hi Hinata"

"Sakura-chan, are you ok" looked like Naruto's nickname for her had stuck. Though turning up at the Hyuga residence this late at night, made it understandable for Hinata to be shocked.

"I'm fine" Sakura began in a demure, innocent voice, "Um, is Neji-san around?"

"Neji-nii-san!" Hinata exclaimed in a subtle way that only she could manage.

After regarding Sakura's seemingly-innocent look, and regaining herself, Hinata moved aside allowing passage for Sakura into the house.

"Right this way" Hinata smiled before turning around to lead the way, though Sakura could've sworn she saw that smile change to a knowing smirk before she did so.

"Here we go"

"Thanks Hinata" Sakura smiled nervously at the girl, before Hinata turned and walked away, most probably to call Naruto and get the details from him.

_Knock Knock_

After three raps, Neji slid the door open, the annoyed look on his face quickly shifting to that of surprise.

"Sakura-san…" Neji seemed as though he would've finished that line, but appeared at a loss for words at Sakura's sudden appearance.

"Neji-san… can I…. can I have a word with you, If you don't mind…?"

Neji having recovered from the brief shock, moved aside to allow Sakura entrance into his room.

"…in private…" Sakura added, looking down at her feet.

With that, Neji pulled his hands together, strung a few seals along and a pulse of chakara erupted from him in a wave, encapsulating the whole room in a blue glow before settling into a seal mark on each face of the walls and doors.

Having sealed the room, Neji and Sakura now stood awkwardly in the middle of it. After a few moments Sakura brought her eyes up to roam over Neji who had been clearly staring her down. Before Sakura's eyes reached Neji's pale ones, they passed over his figure first, noting him to be topless with bandages wrapped around his lower torso, and his long hair loose and splayed across his back.

_Damn I would be lucky if it was him_. Inner Sakura smirked to herself, though not allowing an ounce of it to show on her face, desperately keeping her innocent façade up.

"What is up?" Neji began, breaking the silence when their eyes finally met.

Now that the room was sealed.

"You see Neji-san…" Sakura began in a sweet and worried tone, before a smirk slid onto her face and chakara shot to her hands and feet as she rushed forward, slamming the off-guard Neji harshly into one of his bedroom walls "…I have a few questions for you"

Neji was shocked but didn't retaliate, even as Sakura drew her chakara strings through her fingers, twining them into a rope and wrapping them round Neji, securing him to a chair. He thought himself idiotic for not doing anything and letting himself get trapped to begin with, but he knew he couldn't hurt a woman let alone one of his friends.

Neji shook his head, tossing the hair that had fallen to cover his eyes over his shoulder. A sheen of sweat broke out across his skin from the sheer heat of the chakara binds.

"Go on then" Neji challenged a smirk of his own forming on his lips.

Sakura regarded him, momentarily taken aback by his confidence and his unaffected attitude. Then his topless form, tied back with a sheen of sweat, thick brown hair sticking to his broad shoulders and toned back.

_Damn I could so take him_. Sakura involuntarily thought before slapping herself back to reality.

Leaning one hand on the back of the chair, Sakura brought her face close to Neji's looking him square in the face, her jade eyes narrowed menacingly.

"Where did you go after Genma's party?"

The randomness of the topic shocked Neji, and briefly his confusion showed on his face. Then his face contorted into confused concentration as he desperately tried to remember what clearly wasn't in his memory.

Sakura sensing his confusion, and understanding it just as much, changed the question for ease.

"Fine then, where did you wake up"

Neji's normally passive look, ranged from confused, to shocked, to vaguely embarrassed, to downright horrified, then back to passive.

He turned his face away from Sakura, unwilling to answer the question.

Unwilling of course until Sakura threw a kunai, landing cleanly in the space between his legs, embedded in the chair but centimetres from a very delicate region.

Placing her hand on the handle of the kunai and bringing his face to face hers with her other hand, Sakura hissed menacingly.

"Tell me"

Sakura knew full well that if by now Neji had wanted to retaliate or fight back he could have, easily**. And she knew she was being a bitch, taking advantage of his hate for fighting against a female friend, but what choice did she have.

Sighing exasperatedly, Neji's eyes finally slid to hers, filled with resignation.

"Fine but you can't tell _anyone_" and the way he said the last word, Sakura knew there would be hell to pay if she did.

_This is it, my last option for a real future right here._

"Tenten"

"DAMMIT!" Sakura hissed, ripping the ropes off and reclaiming her kunai, before angrily breaking the seal and bursting out his back door, slipping into the night.

Neji watched the retreating figure, flying through the trees surrounding the compound, breaking a fair amount on her way.

"The fuck...?"

* * *

A/N; ok reallly sorry for the seriously seriously late update, but ill be updating, hopefully, regularly now.

Also this is now a fully-fledged story instead of a 3-shot, yay!

Kay points about this chap; I know the characters are really ooc, but lets face it something like this would never happen in Naruto so anticipating their realistic reactions would be absolutely pointless... plus its more fun this way ;D

Also i seriously dont have anything against the kakasaku pair, and wud even ship it myself, however with how the characters have been designed, i seriously dont think Naruto would appreciate the idea of his teammate and his teacher, and neither do i think Sakura would either (with herself, not NaruKaka or heaven forbid SasuKaka)... especially since with the already lacking romance in Naruto, most couples are around the same age, and this would all just be too scandalous for Konoha to handle... though then again this whole story is O_o

Anyway, read and review! What do u think of the latest developments?

Reira XD


	3. Clear Confusion

"They're coming my way, over and out."

"Bzzztt- How far? Over."

"I'd say about half a mile out. Over."

"Wow Sakura-chan, that's some serious vision you got going there. Over."

"She's using binoculars dumbass. Over."

"Why are we saying '_over'_ anyway?…. Over."

"…"

"…"

"Who started it anyway? Over."

*sigh*"Sasuke…I think. Over."

"Why even? Over."

*snicker* "I think because it makes him feel all badass. Over."

*giggling* "We're not ten anymore. Over."

"…"

"Sasuke? Over."

"I think he's died of embarrassment. Over."

"…"

"Bzzzt… IF YOU GUYS THINK IT'S SO STUPID WHY ARE YOU STILL USING IT!"

"You forgot to add over…Over."

Sakura almost fell off her perch high up in the tall oak tree, as her binoculars spotted Naruto, a couple hundred meters to her right, almost get skewered by a kunai sent across from a good hundred meters to her left.

Clutching the tree to keep her from falling over in her fit of laughter, Sakura froze the second a familiar feeling swept over her.

_Oh God, not now…_

She grabbed onto the tree for dear life as she bent over, taking deep breaths and trying to steady herself when the world seemed to be spinning.

"Sakura what's wrong? Over."

"Eh? What's wrong with Sakura-chan? Over."

"She's hunched over. Over."

"Isn't she just laughing her ass off? Over."

"…. no, her chakara is in chaos, something's not right. Over."

*pant* "Sasuke, calm the crap down, I'm fine." *pant* "…Over."

"Don't bullshit Sakura, you're clearly not. Over."

"It's nothing, just a bit of nausea. Over."

"That didn't seem like 'just a bit—"

"Ahh! It must've been that ramen we had for breakfast, right Sakura-chan? Over." *nervous laughter*

"Y-yeah, that must be it. Over."

"But-"

"I'm fine Sasuke, honestly." *shuffling* "Now prepare yourselves boys, they're coming…"

"…"

"You forgot to say over…."

The Iwa-nin never saw it coming. One second they were casually creeping through the land of fire, feeling all triumphant and badass for getting past the border, the next second their manly pride was trampled upon as a pink haired woman came crashing down upon their leader.

They had the element of surprise to their advantage. Sakura swiftly executed a series of moves, getting a good few hits in the abdomen and torso, winding her opponent.

She vaguely acknowledged the startled gasps and hisses, as Naruto and Sasuke jumped the remaining Iwa-nin's. However she didn't have time to get sidetracked; her opponent was quite the muscleman and wouldn't go down easy.

She stepped back to avoid a punch, and easily sidestepped a kick, lithely jumping up to avoid the execution of a water-jutsu. Her opponents large, brawny body form was disadvantaging him against her, and his lacking speed made it easy for Sakura to keep up, all she would have to do it avoid his swings, because if she got hit, for sure it would hurt like a bitch.

They continued to dance for a while. The formidable Iwa-nin constantly raining attacks upon Sakura, but Sakura with her Anbu training and Team 7 experience, easily kept up, her speed managing to get her out of the way just in the nick of time.

However all the movement quickly proved to be a problem for Sakura, after narrowly avoiding a roundhouse kick, her feet touched the ground, only to find it shake and sway before her.

Her current body condition couldn't keep up, and she found herself stumbling backwards as a wave of nausea swept over her.

"Heh, got you now, ya little bitch."

In that moment Sakura felt every bone in her jaw break and even a few teeth come loose.

The other side of her face hit the tree her back was pressed against so hard her features almost carved into the wood.

"Sakura!"

It took Naruto and Sasuke's simultaneous screams to quickly bring her back to reality, and before Sakura could even think or process the blinding pain screaming from her face, she reacted quickly on instinct.

One chakara enhanced blow in the space between the abdomen and chest.

Another against the left lung, shattering the ribs and piercing the pericardial sac.

One jab aimed for the heart.

"Sakura you've got to keep him alive damn it!"

She paused mid-strike.

"Chtt."

She tutted in anger, before reaching into her back pocket and pulling out a roll of metal wire instead.

Before her opponent could even move, she bound his hands and legs in metal wire so tightly his skin began to bleed.

"Wow Sakura-chan, that must've hurt for you to do that to him…"

"Well it serves him damn right."

Sasuke kicked the bound man from behind his knees as he walked over, causing the tall, large man to fall to his knees.

Sakura smirked a thanks at Sasuke.

"BITCH, THE SECOND I GET LOOSE I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR FUCKING HEAD O-"

The man seemed to have regained his breath, and proceeded to waste it through visible pain and agony by screaming every cuss word he could think of, and a few Sakura was pretty sure was made up, at her.

Sakura smirked, tugging her end of the wire, causing the connected binds to tighten.

"Now listen here you son of a-"

Sakura paused in the middle of her tirade. The pause was long enough that Naruto and Sasuke who stood next to her, and even the man she towered over, looked up in confusion.

Sakura squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head, before attempting to restart her sentence.

"You son of a- BLARRRRRGHHHH!"

There was absolute silence as everyone in that vicinity, dead or alive, watched in absolute horror and disgust as Sakura _puked_ all over one of the strongest, and most valuable information sources from Iwa.

"Shit, if _that_ doesn't cause an international incident then heaven knows what will."

Naruto, who had somewhat become accustomed to this, commented as Sasuke continued to watch with pure, unadulterated horror.

Sakura stumbled back, dizzy and disorientated, and Naruto caught her just in time before she fell over.

"Oh my God Sakura, what the FUCK did you eat!?"

Naruto sighed, between the delirious Sakura in his arms and the disgusted, and perhaps queasy, Sasuke to his left, to the passed out and now possibly dead Iwa-nin in front of him, Naruto decided a little break was needed.

* * *

2 hours later found a sedated Iwa-nin in the bath of hotel room, and an out-of-sorts threesome, within the hotel room.

Sakura sat on one bed, Naruto on the opposing, with Sasuke on the desk chair.

"Guys," Sasuke broke the awkward silence first. "Just what the hell is going on?"

Sakura sighed, adjusting the ice pack on her face as she turned to face Sasuke.

"What do you mean? Nothing's '_going on_'."

Sasuke levelled her with a blank stare, and from that look alone Sakura could almost predict word for word what he was going to say.

"Sakura, I'm not stupid. You're a medic, you know your body better than any of us know our own! How is it you would allow yourself onto the battlefield if you knew you were that sick, or supposedly 'food-poisoned'." He air-quoted the words, proving how little he believed their cover story.

Sakura's fingers clenched tighter around the ice, the gentle sound of cubes breaking echoed near her ear.

_Damn Uchiha's and their smart-arsedness_.

From his place on the bed Naruto silently watched the exchange between his two teammates. He could see Sakura slowly getting pissed off by Sasuke's incredible perceptivity. It wouldn't be long before he guessed it by himself, Sakura could see that too.

Naruto sighed. He knew Sakura well, when something troubled her she tended to turn towards anger, her confusion only adding fuel to the fire. This trait of hers, which had seemed to soften over the years, had sparked up a blaze with her pregnancy and Naruto was constantly reminding himself that this wasn't the usual Sakura. It was only because of the stress and anger, more towards herself than anyone else at getting herself in such a situation, that she was like this.

But Sasuke didn't know that.

And no one knew how to press Sakura's buttons better than Sasuke, and right now he was pushing the buttons that would set off dynamite.

He decided it was time to intervene.

"Look Sasuke, stop being so uptight. Nothing's going on, people throw-up in battle all the time-"

"That's bullshit Naruto and you know it!" Sasuke interrupted with annoyance, shooting a glare at him, before turning to Sakura with narrowed eyes. "People often throw up from nerves _before _a fight, or dizziness _after_ a fight, but never _during_ a fight. You know better than anyone else the effect of adrenaline."

Sakura met his glare with one of her own, equally challenging.

"But it was _after_ the fight-"

"_Please_, you were feeling sick even before we attacked-"

"I wasn't, I just lost my balance on the tree branch, that doesn't mean I was feeling sick!"

"Why do you keep lying Sakura!?" Sasuke almost shouted, his voice one octave below, anger and hurt clearly lacing through his words.

Naruto and Sakura watched in shock as Sasuke promptly stood up, storming out the room and slamming the door behind him so hard the wall around it shot out a spider web of cracks on both sides.

Sakura looked away from the door, guilt coursing through her.

She looked up when she felt the bed dip as Naruto sat beside her and took her hand in his own.

"Sakura-chan, do you really not trust Sasuke? I mean if it really is him, he wouldn't be so bad, after all he clearly cares…"

She sighed, leaning against Naruto's shoulder as she replied in a quiet voice.

"Its not that I don't trust him, I'm just…_afraid._"

"Of…" Naruto prompted when Sakura fell silent.

"_Of _ruining his life," she replied after a pause. "Sasuke's been our best friend for years, and we know better than anyone else just how much pressure the clan puts on him. He only just got into Anbu and they're finally laying off him. If the clan heard he got someone pregnant, he'd be forced to settle down, come off active Anbu duty and join the police force."

A tear slipped down her cheek.

"I don't want to ruin the life he's worked so hard to attain, when I know just how much he's been through to get it."

"But Sakura-chan, you too have worked hard to become what you are. Always training hard to keep up with us, always taking care of us and being there for us. You're giving up your life too."

"But Naruto, I made a mistake, it's my responsibility-"

"No, you _both_ made a mistake, and you _both_ have to take responsibility for it. Now you need to find Sasuke and talk things out with him."

Sakura nodded against Naruto's shoulder, wiping her tears with the back of her hand.

"Okay."

"There's a good girl." The blonde grinned widely, ruffling Sakura's pink locks.

"But…will you come with me?" Sakura asked in a small voice.

Naruto smiled wider, jumping up and offering his hand to Sakura.

"Of course, anywhere and everywhere for you milady." Naruto pronounced poetically and Sakura couldn't help but laugh as she reached up and took Naruto's hand.

* * *

They found Sasuke slumped against the tall, grassy banks of a clear river which cut through the village just past the border of Fire.

Sakura took a deep breath as they approached Sasuke, who was stretched out with his hands behind his head and his eyes closed against the setting sun. Naruto gave her hand a squeeze before they separated to sit either side of Sasuke.

"Ne…Sasuke."

Sakura spoke gently poking his cheek.

When he didn't respond Sakura poked it again.

When he still didn't respond Sakura wondered if he really was asleep, and shared questioning glances with Naruto as to what to do.

Sakura pointed to Naruto, then pointed to her ear and then Sasuke's nose, motioning for Naruto to check if Sasuke was breathing.

Deep down Sakura knew Sasuke was alive and perfectly fine, but she couldn't resist such a fine opportunity.

This was payback for all the times Naruto and Sasuke had swapped her shampoo with hair dye, stolen her underwear and hung it on trees, hidden a rat in her sleeping bag and tricked her into thinking she'd killed Kakashi by mistake.

She fought to hold her smile down as Naruto moved his face closer to Sasuke, leaning over him fully.

Naruto hesitated shooting a confused look at Sakura, since he couldn't tell anything from his position a good meter away from Sasuke.

Sakura hurriedly and worriedly motioned for him to move even closer.

And Naruto, like a fool, complied.

A wicked grin broke across Sakura's face, and before anyone could see it she made her move.

Gently she pressed her hand to the back of Naruto's head, pushing it that 10-centimeter gap forward.

Sakura strongly regretted not having a camera on her person in that moment, to photograph the epic moment, when the two men repeated the kiss they had fought so damn long to forget.

Sakura almost fell in the lake from laughing, when Sasuke's eyes opened.

Sasuke screamed in Naruto's face and Naruto, who had frozen from shock, proceeded to scream bloody murder in return.

The next instant had Sasuke at the lake's edge, dunking his head underwater, and gargling water and spitting it vehemently out of his mouth.

Naruto was frozen still for a moment after the scream had died, his mouth agape. The next moment a shudder visibly racked though his whole body, and he ran straight past Sasuke, jumping fully clothed into the lake.

Sakura laughed so hard she had to cross her legs together to prevent her pissing herself.

It was after a good ten minutes of Naruto and Sasuke trying to purge their bodies of the memory, and Sasuke even trying to light up a katon-jutsu on himself, with Sakura rolling around in the background, did the two boys walk away from the lake.

With Naruto fully drenched and most of Sasuke's upper half wet, the two stalked accusatorily towards Sakura, who sat on the bank desperately trying to hold in her laughter.

"Sakura, I'm going to rip your motherfuck-"

Sasuke paused mid-tirade as Sakura stopped giggling altogether, and swayed slightly before lying down sideways on the bank.

Naruto was beside her in an instant.

"Sakura-chan, you ok?"

It took a moment but Sakura answered.

"I'm fine, sorry I think I laughed myself dizzy."

"_Hold on,_" Saskue interrupted the pair, eyes wide "Sakura's not…"

Sasuke stopped, shaking his head, as if not wanting to say the words.

Both Naruto and Sakura looked at him in surprise and trepidation.

"…dying is she?"

Naruto almost fell over in shock, and Sakura face-planted into the soil.

"Sasuke, I'm fine." Sakura smiled slightly, rising to sit upright as Naruto supported her.

"Actually there's something we need to discuss…"

* * *

Sasuke sighed, raking a hand through his wet hair, which slicked back against his scalp, it gently drying in the setting sun along with most of his and Naruto's clothes drying side by side on trees near the riverbank.

Anyone who had no idea what was going on would probably get quite the strange idea.

Something along the lines of a threesome gone wrong, considering both men's half-naked state and Sakura the only one sitting between their sprawled out forms, her knees curled against her chest, a distressed look on her face.

Despite Sasuke seeming relatively calm at that moment, his posture was not that of relaxation but of resignation.

He was letting it all sink in, the knowledge along with the sun against his bare skin, replaying instances that had only happened moments ago, in his mind.

Perhaps he hadn't reacted in the best of ways, he reflected.

After all, cussing out the motherfucker who did this to her and left without a word and then questioning ruthlessly what the fuck was wrong with his female teammate to get herself into such a situation to begin with, wasn't exactly _helpful_.

The complete opposite of it to be precise.

Not only that but he had also accidently _flashed_ Sakura.

Whilst he had been standing, enraged and screaming every colourful word in his dictionary, and a few from a couple of other languages, a kid had walked by all innocent and _all ears_.

He had stared wide eyed at Sasuke as the torrent of words he had just spewed floated in the air around them like a bad smell.

It didn't help the way Sasuke reacted either. He was, after all, not so great with the kids.

"What the fuck you staring at kid?" He had grunted in the kid's direction, shooting a glare his way, and in his angered state a flash of red subconsciously flickered across his eyes.

The poor kid had freaked the fuck out.

He was clearly a shinobi's child otherwise he wouldn't have been walking through the forest alone, nor would he have known what that flash of red meant.

Nor would he have been able to throw that tiny, miniature fireball, which just had to hit Sasuke's trouser belt in just the _wrong_ place.

The shock delayed Sasuke's reaction.

Just long enough for Sakura to get a nice, full-frontal view, worse from her sitting down position, of Sasuke's _everything_.

Naruto, who had seen it all before, proceeded to laugh till tears were streaming down his face in the background.

And now roughly ten minutes later, with the kid gone and the three lying side by side against the riverbank, an awkward silence settled over them.

The blush still hadn't left Sasuke's face, and as much as he knew he had reacted badly, shame prevented him from opening his mouth.

Not for apologizing, but for crossing that line that teammates should never cross.

Just as he opened his mouth, Sakura's soft voice cut through the silence.

"Oh thank God you're not the father…I've never seen anyone so fucking _bad_ at handling kids…"

Naruto chuckled from the left of Sakura. "Funny isn't it, Itachi can make a kid laugh or cry with just one look and yet Sasuke can only make them shit their pants, or cause them to drop his own."

Sakura sighed, unable to hold back and allowing herself to fall back into comfortable, careless laughter alongside her two favorite boys.

"Sakura… I'm sorry."

Sakura smiled, reaching over and patting Sasuke's shoulder reassuredly. "Oh, don't worry about it Sasuke, I know you're just worried and to be honest your anger is justified, I did get myself into quite the motherfucking pickle." She paused in thought, laughing gently, before adding on, "And it's not like I've been the nicest person lately, with or without hormones, I've been quite the bitch…"

Naruto snorted, mumbling, "Bitch isn't the word for it…"

A grin broke out across Sasuke's face, and he raised an upturned palm, his elbow supporting his arm from the grass.

"Truce?"

"Truce." Sakura smiled slapping palms with Sasuke, before holding his hand in a friend-slash-brotherly gesture.

"Regardless, you could weigh more than an elephant or be the wicked witch of the west, but we're here for you Sakura"

"Come rain or snow." Naruto added

"In sickness or health?" Sasuke continued

Tears gathered at the corner of Sakura's eyes, and she grabbed Naruto's hand from beside her, along with Sasuke's already clenching hers. She brought their clasped hands towards her chest, closing her eyes and silently thanking God that in all this mess she still had _them_.

"Thanks guys." Her whisper filled the silence.

Of course, guys being guys, they killed the moment so fucking cleanly.

Sharing a conspiring glance over Sakura's body, Naruto and Sasuke both stood up in unison, pulling Sakura with them from their joined hands.

Then in one fluid movement, dumped her into the river.

* * *

A/N; Quick pointers - Thanks so so much to the fan-frikking-tastic clueless788 for beta-ing and encouraging me (and for the huge hello kitty ofc) Love you!

- This is Non-Massacre btw so no Akatsuki for now :(

- Sakura's not underage here, idk if i mentioned her age before but i would peg her to be around 21. I just think that the trio have always seen Kakashi as a teacher to them so one interpretation of their relationships could be that Sakura could never imagine going out with her teacher (though for the sake of KakaSaku i hope to heavens that not true ;P)

- Any ideas or ways u imagine this going feel free to throw them in :)

- And when the hell did the layout change! I really have been away too long...


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